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Knowing thyself is an in-depth understanding of “who I am.” and “how I am.” This understanding of one’s self is the product of the formal and informal experiences of living life. But, to be clear, this understanding is not the result of simply “having” experiences, but is the result of deep, consistent and conscious reflection on one’s experiences, i.e., lessons learned (the good, the bad and the ugly).

Much self-awareness occurs as the result of experiencing an inner conflict which tugs on our sleeve and forces us to change. One of the results of such transformation is that we often change our value system which is reflected in new ways of thinking, be-ing and do-ing.

Examples of experiences that bring us to know thyself, self-awareness and conscious change are mid-life crises (which, by the way, are affecting folks at earlier and earlier ages today no longer just at “mid-life”), health issues, relationship issues, career issues, financial issues and mental, emotional or psychological issues such heart attacks, divorces and failed relationships, loss of job, bankruptcy, stress, rustout, burnout, depression and addictions to chemical and non-chemical (food, alcohol, exercise, porn, blogging, etc.) substances.

In the workplace environment, organizational awareness is the totality of each employee’s self-awareness. Where employees are more self-aware, workplace conflict can be minimal and constructive. In a workplace environment, where the majority of employees are non-self-aware, workplace conflict can be insidious, toxic, all-pervasive and destructive.

The bottom line is that the way your organization, silo, department or team handles interpersonal conflict can either be an experience of aliveness, vitality, juiciness, fun, collegiality, and camaraderie, or toxicity, demoralization, resentment, disrespect, resistance, and derailment.

The major cause of “loss processes” in organizations is not due to processes, but rather, is more often caused by dysfunctional interpersonal dynamics. More and more in today’s organization, success and effectiveness are dependent on the synergies that are created when people are in alignment with one another. When folks’ attitudes, beliefs, and values are in alignment, their behaviors are consonant and supportive of departmental, team and organizational goals.

When one is driven by self-limiting and self-defeating personal biases, prejudices, beliefs, perspectives, assumptions all of which are unspoken and often unconscious discord most often rules and ruins the day, rules and ruins the meeting, rules and ruins the processes and rules and ruins relationships until………..until folks agree to “out the elephants” in the room and consciously deal with dysfunctional behaviors that underlie conflict.

When leaders, managers and supervisors have the strength and courage to understand and agree that “soft skills” are the “hard skills” of effective relationships at work (and do the work that’s required to bring people to that level of awareness), defensiveness, resistance, push-back, turf and ego issues begin to melt and metabolize in a manner that people begin to feel and be freer in their behaviors and in a way that fosters greater mutual respect of the dignity of one another.

The process of knowing thyself begins when one consciously explores “how I am” and “who I am” when it comes to “the way I am”, i.e., the way I communicate, with others. Self mastery explores: · my verbal and non verbal behaviors · my emotional behaviors - how I express my feelings and emotions (and if I express feelings and emotions) · my intentions that are underneath my behaviors - hidden agendas, or disharmony where what I “do” is out of alignment with what I “say Know thyself requires taking a conscious look at how I experience myself at work and how I experience my interactions with others. Self-mastery requires us to look at the disconnects that exist between what we say, think, feel and do disconnects that lead to being out of harmony, integrity, being unethical, being disrespectful (in thought and action) that result in counterproductive patterns of behavior, and conflict.

Know thyself requires taking a conscious look at why, for example, I need to lie, cheat, steal, bully, gossip, be disagreeable, disrespectful, resistant, non-trusting, sabotaging, discourteous, and insensitive.

Know thyself requires taking a conscious look at “where I’m coming from” and whether “where I’m coming from” is supportive or limiting to the team, department and organization.

The bottom line of knowing thy self and conflict is this: conflict is rarely the result of “technical” issues. Most often, conflict is based on some underlying fear and is an interpersonal, dynamics issue.

People relate to one another on the basis of a “task orientation” or on the basis of a “relationship orientation.” Task orientation centers around functions, roles and business strategies and tactics. Relationship orientation centers around trust, safety, understanding, respect and sensitivity.

Effective conflict resolution must rest on the fulcrum of relationship orientation, on people, not processes. Organizational self-awareness occurs when the majority of employees are engaged, consciously, from the perspective of relationship orientation, i.e., “who I am” and “how I am” at work, and not solely on “what I do”.

A self-aware person is one who examines the quality of his/her interpersonal relationships on a consistent basis. A self-aware organization is one that examines the quality of its interpersonal dynamic on a regular basis. To be an ever effective leader, manager or supervisor, this exploration that leads to supporting people to actively and consciously engage in personal growth would serve us well in an effort to reduce the negative effects of workplace conflict. Focusing on the “technical” alone won’t do it…never has, never will.

So, our $10 food for thought questions are:
· How would I rate myself on a scale of 1(low) to 10(high) on the following: (a) my being a team player; (b) my relationships with others; (c) how much I trust others; (d) the quality of my communication efforts with others; and (e) my attitude?
· On a scale of 1(low) to 10(high) how self-aware am I vis-a-vis my feelings and emotions, how I came to believe what I believe about the world, the world of work and about people in the world, about my values and what really drives me, and why?
· Do I believe life is a “zero-sum” game…that if others “get theirs” I won’t get mine”? If so, why? And, if so, has this attitude brought me more pain or happiness in my life on a daily basis?
· Do my relationships manifest trust, dignity and respect?
· Am I harboring grudges from times past? If so, why? Do I really think I can “change the past and make the past better?”
· Do I live my life based on the “oughts” and “shoulds” of others? If so, why?
· Do I have counterproductive habits and patterns I am afraid to let go? If, yes, why?
· Are my relationships at work characterized as “task orientation” or relationship orientation”?

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 13th, 2008 at 8:33 am and is filed under Conflict Coaching, Governmental Workplaces, Workplace Conflict. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.