Once upon a time there was a rug merchant who saw that a beautiful carpet he acquired had a large bump in its center. He gently stepped on the bump to flatten it out. He succeeded, but the bump reappeared in a new spot beneath the carpet.

He jumped on the bump and it disappeared…for a moment, until it appeared in yet another new spot. Again and again he jumped, scuffing and mangling the rug in his frustration. Finally, he lifted one corner of the carpet and an angry snake slithered out.

I love this story, which I found in a book by systems guru Peter Senge, because it leaves a vivid image of the problem created by failure to raise and address conflict at work—it just becomes the snake under the rug.

A few years ago the Harvard Business Review published a piece of research about the price of silence during organizational or interpersonal problems at work. In “Is Silence Killing Your Company,” authors Leslie Perlow and Stephanie Williams explore the reasons for and the results of employees’ decision to keep silent instead of questioning or confronting a problem.

They suggested there are several reasons people hold their tongues: It’s better, as the old adage goes, to be quiet and thought a fool than to talk and be known as one. People sometimes keep quiet to avoid embarrassment or follow ingrained rules of etiquette. And organizations send a message—intentionally or unintentionally, formally or informally—that it’s best to fall in line and doing so will preserve job security.

And even as adults, workers experience the need to conform, to feel part of the group, and the fear that raising difficult issues will marginalize or disenfranchise. Finally, people sometimes hold their tongues in the short-sighted belief that it’ll help get a task done more efficiently.

But, the authors conclude from their research, it turns out that patterns of silence in an organization, whether due to the workplace culture or an employee’s own background, are “extremely costly to both the firm and the individual.” They found this to be true for organizations ranging in size from small businesses to Fortune 500 corporations and government agencies. “Silence,” they said, “starts when we choose not to confront a difference.” And keeping quiet doesn’t necessarily preserve the relationship or contribute to getting work done effectively or efficiently. Failing to raise concerns, confront conflict or talk about differences in organizations can, and often does, lead to these problems:

• There’s an increase in “behind closed doors” anger, lament or plotting, as concerns are shared with trusted colleagues. Most employees don’t initially take a concern behind closed doors with ill intent. But they do want to be heard, to be told their concerns are reasonable, and they’ll turn to co-workers they consider allies to get such reassurances. While a natural step in some ways, it’s also a trap for the individual and the organization.
• There’s an increase in anxiety, anger and resentment, since silence doesn’t erase a difference but instead sends it underground, like the snake under the rug. It just moves around, sometimes growing larger and larger. If a person really care about something, it’s pretty hard to shrug it off and pretend it’s not bothering them.
• Insecurity grows. The authors argue that when employees feel defensive and self-protective, they become increasingly more fearful of speaking up. This cycle leads to more silence and thus more insecurity, in what they call a “spiral of silence.”
• Relationships are damaged, sometimes badly so. Real concerns about a colleague’s behavior or decisions don’t simply go away when stifled. The psychological distance create by silence can and often does do more damage to the relationship in the long run than having the initial difficult conversation could ever have.
• Creativity and effective decision making decline. I often say that the best organizations aren’t ones without conflict, they’re the ones that know how to work effectively with conflict. Difference, well managed, leads to greater creativity and better decisions. When important conflict is ignored, the work environment suffers in terms of morale, physical health, employee retention, and quality decision-making.

So how do you let the snake out from under the rug? How do you keep employees and organizations functioning well once the snake’s loose? In part 2, I’ll discuss how to break the spiral of silence, when it’s best to speak up, and how to do it effectively. 

Copyright Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.