Have you ever allowed unresolved situations hurt important relationships? Or lashed out when dealing with difficult people? Or allowed people to continuously push your button?

Most of us answer yes to one or more of these questions. These are simply signs of conflict, which can be defined as competitive or opposing action of incompatibles, struggle resulting from incompatible needs or demands.

Conflict exists when two or more competing responses or courses of action to a single event are considered. However, conflict does not necessarily imply hostility…although hostility can become part of the situation. Conflict exists in our work place, our home life and our church life. How we handle (resolve) conflict is a sign of leadership.

If not managed, conflict may have negative impacts on your team in the following areas: decreased productivity, lack of trust, clicks, secrecy and reduced information flow, morale problems, consumption of mass amounts of time and decision making paralysis.

On the other hand, if used positively, conflict within a team can increase motivation, enhance problem solution identification, increase group cohesiveness, increase the knowledge and skill level of the team, contribute to the attainment of a goal and as an incentive for growth.

As leaders, we must recognize conflict and determine quickly how it can be used positively. Being able to recognize conflict requires an understanding of the misconceptions surrounding conflict, which include:

• If left alone it will take care of itself - if left alone conflict can destroy a team (a person)

• Confronting conflict is always an unpleasant experience - bringing to light the area of conflict is a great opportunity to resolve it quickly and for the team to find very creative solutions to resolve the conflict

• The presence of conflict in an organization is a sign of poor management - where there are two or more people together, there will be some type of conflict; even the greatest leader, Jesus, had conflict within His team

• Conflict is always negative and destructive - how you respond to the conflict will determine if the resolution is positive or negative.

We then must understand the two types of conflict: internal and interpersonal. Internal conflict is perfectly described by in the following quote: “For I know that in me exists very little good. I want to do good, but part of me does not want to do good. There is a struggle between doing what I know to be right and doing what I want to do.”

This is the perfect picture of internal conflict. How many of us have gone through this? I know I have. If left unresolved, internal conflict can hamper or immobilize. As you identify conflict within your organization, look at the source, is the conflict always being caused by one person?

If so, determine if there are methods by which you can provide assistance to obtain healing for that person. For example, many companies have some type of employee assistance program which includes counseling.

The second type of conflict: interpersonal conflict can be described as a conflict between people and/or groups. It can be as simple as needing to improve communications or as harmful causing a person/team to retaliate against another person/team.

We all know that the more people you have on a team and/or on a project, the greater chances for conflict to arise. If conflict arises in a group, address it as soon as possible, when it involves the smallest number of people. If interpersonal conflict is left unchecked it can take on a life of its own and be magnified by politics, rumors and innuendos.

Some strategies to think about when addressing group conflict include: negotiation, mediation and arbitration. Of course before selecting the appropriate approach get wisdom…study to determine the best method to resolve this conflict.

Keys to selecting the appropriate strategy includes the team understanding all sides of the conflict, evaluating multiple approaches and when appropriate, as a team select the appropriate solution(s). This allows you as the leader to lead from strength by setting the climate, encouraging and ensuring equal participation, actively listen (seek to understand all sides), step back when appropriate, ensure you differentiate fact from opinions/hearsay and always focus on the problem, not the people.

Other methods you can use to positively reduce conflict include: meeting the basic needs of your team members. These needs include valuing each team member for their contribution to the overall strategy. When possible, allow team members to lead efforts and provide them with a support system which will allow them to take risks. Of course, ensure you have a communication process in place where everyone seeks to understand. We all know that less than 10% of communication is transmitted verbally; therefore, it’s not surprising that much of our conflict is based on mis-communication.

As extraordinary leaders, we recognize that conflict will occur and yet how we manage and resolve conflict is a test of leadership.