ALTERNATIVE DISPUTE RESOLUTION (ADR) FOR LESS COST AND RISK


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If you find yourself considering litigation to resolve a dispute, consider a couple of points:

· First, greater than 80 percent of all civil cases in most jurisdictions, and greater than 95 percent in many, settle at or before trial (from Beyond Winning:  Negotiating to Create Value in Deals and Disputes by Mnookin, Peppet and Tulumello).

· Second, if most cases settle before trial, but at a late point in the process, it seems obvious that disputing parties could realize considerable savings in time and costs if they resolved their dispute early in the process rather than later near the time of trial.

Are there options other than the threat of litigation that can help disputing parties enjoy savings of time and money?  Yes, there are.  In general, alternative dispute resolution (ADR) processes may be used prior to suit or trial to provide these benefits.  Furthermore, by engaging in an ADR process, disputants may reduce the risk of an “all or nothing” costly gamble of winning or losing their dispute in a trial before strangers.  Finally, and most importantly, ADR permits participants to engage in self-determination.  They control the process themselves and strive to reach common ground in order to resolve their dispute in a way that satisfies their respective needs and interests.

The spreadsheet in this article offers some cost and benefit considerations for using assisted alternative processes available to resolve disputes short of costly and time-consuming litigation.  With some caveats, the spreadsheet compares ADR processes available today at reasonable cost in money and time.  Generally referred to as “alternative dispute resolution” or ADR, these processes involve alternative dispute resolution professionals, i.e., mediators, settlement facilitators and arbitrators, who are trained and experienced in modern ADR methods.  ADR professionals assist disputing participants in resolving their disputes satisfactorily, timely and at significantly less cost than litigation.  In addition, most ADR processes permit the participants themselves rather than strangers to control the dispute’s outcome.  This would not happen in a formal court trial.  This self-determination aspect of ADR is one of its most attractive attributes of ADR in addition to the time and cost-savings benefits.

In a dispute, each party must determine the balance between the benefits and costs of moving forward toward resolution depending on the factual and monetary circumstances involved.  The spreadsheet provides criteria for use in choosing an ADR process that allows each participant to be heard, to negotiate fully and to maximize each participant’s opportunity to satisfy its needs and interests.  The spreadsheet does not attempt to answer all questions concerning the important choices involved in selecting an ADR process.  The intent is to create an ADR menu highlighting some important general criteria for comparing and selecting among several dispute resolution processes to resolve a dispute satisfactorily.

The spreadsheet assumes as a benchmark that the transaction costs of litigation constitute the most expensive and time-consuming dispute resolution process.  Transaction costs include the time-based costs involved in preparing a case for trial and then trying it in a formal court setting.  These costs include attorney and paralegal fees, pre-trial discovery costs, witness deposition costs, expert witness fees, photocopy costs, telephone charges, expedited document delivery or messenger services, etc.  Related costs include the time expended by party litigants themselves and witnesses involved in preparing for and participating in the trial.  A contract or business dispute likely will involve costs related to employee witness time spent away from their work assisting in trial preparation and participating in the trial.

The ADR processes described in the columns to the right of the litigation column in the spreadsheet tend to be less formal and time consuming than litigation, resulting in less expense.  Moving to the right in each column, the spreadsheet describes the comparative benefits associated with ADR that allow disputing participants to retain control over the dispute’s outcome rather than forfeiting that control to strangers, i.e., judges or juries involved in a trial.  Some transaction costs similar to those incurred in litigation will occur when using an ADR process, e.g., attorney fees and costs and time spent involved in preparing for and participating in the ADR process, but to a far less degree.  The spreadsheet indicates subjectively a decrease in ADR transaction costs as one moves to the right, reflecting that ADR processes typically involve much less time than litigation to reach a resolution and may be used even before a law suit is filed.  Arbitration may include transaction costs approaching those of litigation but they generally tend to be less.  Although less formal and time consuming than litigation, arbitration still suffers from the involvement of third parties who control the process and make the ultimate win or lose decision.

The rows in the spreadsheet provide criteria for comparing ADR processes with litigation and with each other.  Moving down each column, the spreadsheet describes criteria, including benefits and costs associated with each process, and associated procedures typically involved with litigation and with each ADR process.  The spreadsheet is not intended to constitute legal advice but to give an overview of different processes for use as a guideline when considering the use of ADR.

Spreadsheet - ADR v. Litigation

Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) versus Litigation

Litigation

Arbitration

Settlement Facilitation

Mediation

· Procedure/Decision Maker

· Judge/Jury, Limited     Selection

of Jury

· Parties Select         Arbitrator(s)

· Parties Select Experienced Settlement Facilitator, Court May Appoint Facilitator In Certain Cases

· Parties Select  Mediator, Mediator Model Styles, Subject Matter Expertise, Experience

· Process

· Non-voluntary, Binding Process,

Formal Evidentiary Rules, Discovery, Narrow Issue Focus

· Voluntary

(Could Be        Mandatory)

Binding Process, Limited Discovery, Less Formal, Narrow Focus

· Voluntary, Non-Binding Process (may stop at any time),  Informal, Creative Interest-Based Solutions, Resolution

· Focus On Interests, Needs Outside Dispute Issues

· Voluntary, Non-Binding Process (may stop process at any time) Informal, Creative Interest-Based Solutions, Resolution, Focus On Interests, Needs Outside Dispute Issues

· Control

· Third Party Strangers Decide Winner-Loser Only Decide Issues Before Them

· Third Party Strangers Decide Winner-Loser, Only Decide Issues Before Them

· Parties Control, Determine Outcome, Fashion Agreement, Evaluative, Directive Process, May Evaluate Strengths, Weaknesses

· Advisory Opinions Possible

· Non-Judgmental

· Parties Control,       Determine Outcome,

· Fashion Agreement

· Facilitative or Evaluative Process

· Address Topics, Interests, Needs, Values Beyond Positions

· Non-Judgmental

· Risk:  Cost/Time

· $$$$$ -  Lengthy Time to Trial, Large Transaction Costs, Time, Expert Witness Costs

· All Or Nothing Decision Limited to Discrete Issues

· $$$$ - Less Transaction Costs

· Limited Discovery

· Typically All Or Nothing Award with Limited Reasoning Given

· Limited Appeal Rights

· $$$- Reduced Transaction Costs

· Reduced Risk/Process Time

· Relatively Short Time To Setup Session

· $$ - Reduced Transaction Costs

· Reduced Risk/Process Time

· Relatively Short Time To Setup Mediation Session

· Confidentiality

· Public

· Private

· Private

· Private

· Advantages/Benefits

· Decision May

Establish Precedent, Preserve Business Core Values

· Discourage Lawsuits

· Appeal Rights Preserved

· Enforceable Decision

· No Court Docket Line,  Parties Schedule,

Shorter Time Than Trial, Lower

Transaction

Costs

· Enforceable Award

· Reduced Transaction Costs

· Brainstorming, Find Common Ground Leading to Creative Solutions

· Problem Solving Rather Than Adversarial, May Discuss Strengths-Weaknesses, Advisory Opinion Possible

· May Preserve Continuing Relationship

· Agreement Enforceable

· Still Litigate If No Agreement

· Reduced Transaction Costs

· Brainstorming, Find Common Ground Leading to Creative Solutions

· Problem Solving Rather Than Adversarial, May Discuss Strengths-Weaknesses

· May Preserve Continuing Relationship

· Agreement Enforceable

· Still Litigate If No Agreement

Definitions

The following describes litigation and some ADR processes available from trained and experienced ADR professionals.  The list includes some ADR processes not included in the spreadsheet.

Litigation – Litigation generally involves two or more parties involved in a dispute resolved through a trial that results in a public record of the outcome.  A judge or jury issues a binding decision that may be appealed.  Parties settle prior to trial greater than eighty percent (80%) of civil lawsuits filed in most jurisdictions in the United States and greater than ninety-five percent (95%) in many jurisdictions.  In many instances, the parties involved in a lawsuit settle on the day of trial after a significant expenditure of time and money.

Arbitration – This confidential process generally involves two parties who present their respective versions of the matter in dispute to one or more arbitrators.  Arbitrators conduct the hearing in a less formal setting than in a court proceeding.  The parties may provide opening arguments, present documentary evidence and witnesses, cross-examine the opposing party’s witnesses and provide closing arguments and briefs.  Arbitrators follow relaxed guidelines regarding the rules of evidence.  Arbitrators decide the outcome by issuing a brief award.  If the parties agree, the arbitrators may issue a more detailed written award, with findings of fact and conclusions of law.  There are very limited grounds on which an arbitration award may be appealed to a court.

Settlement Facilitation – A settlement facilitation process involves a neutral settlement facilitator and is voluntary and nonbinding, meaning each party may end the conference at any time prior to reaching agreement.  The settlement facilitator (sometimes referred to as a neutral and who is a mediator for all intents and purposes) in joint session with the parties and engages them in discussion of their issues, topics, values, needs and interests.  The neutral may conduct a confidential caucus with each party to explore options for settlement.  The neutral may evaluate and point out the strengths and weaknesses of each party’s case, suggest options for settlement, make non-binding recommendations for resolution or give an advisory opinion as to the possible outcome if the case goes to trial.  These characteristics distinguish settlement facilitation from the facilitative mediation model where the mediator guides the communications but does not suggest options, discuss strengths and weaknesses or opine about a possible trial outcome.  Settlement facilitation is essentially the same as the directive-evaluative mediation process discussed below.

Mediation – Mediation involves a voluntary, non-judgmental, neutral and confidential communication process.  A trained, professional mediator employed by the parties serves as a neutral intermediary and facilitates communications between the parties with the goal of finding common ground leading to a binding agreement resolving the dispute.  In joint session with the parties, the mediator listens to the parties’ presentations, gathers information from the parties, assists the parties in communicating topics for discussion and reflects and reframes the parties’ presentations regarding their values, interests and needs.  The mediator helps the parties in their brainstorming of options and creative solutions leading to agreement.  The mediator may hold a separate, confidential discussion, or caucus, with each party to assist them in reaching an agreement.  The mediator uses the caucus when the parties may feel more comfortable in discussing certain topics only with the mediator on a confidential basis or when the mediator determines that a caucus may be help clarify issues, discuss a party’s settlement offers or be helpful generally to the mediation’s progress.  Use of caucuses during mediation will depend upon on the circumstances and the mediator’s approach to their use.  Mediation is non-binding and voluntary, meaning the parties may withdraw from mediation at any time so long as they bargain in good faith up to that point.  The agreement the parties reach in mediation generally is binding and enforceable.

As indicated, mediators may use several mediation models that should be discussed with the mediator at the time of employment.  This discussion assures that the model the mediator uses meets the parties’ needs.  For example, in a facilitative mediation model, the parties brainstorm options and create solutions to reach a resolution of the dispute that meets their needs.  The facilitative mediator does not suggest options for resolution, point out the strengths and weaknesses of each party’s case, or give an advisory opinion regarding possible outcomes if the dispute proceeds to litigation and trial.

The evaluative or directive mediation model is similar to the settlement facilitation or mediation process discussed above but differs in some aspects.  A mediator using the evaluative or directive mediation model may suggest options for settlement, may discuss the strengths and weaknesses of parties’ positions in a caucus, and, at the parties’ request, may give an advisory opinion regarding the possible outcome of the dispute if the case goes to trial.  Mediators following either the facilitative mediation model or the evaluative, directive mediation model do not act as advocates for either party or give legal advice.

Related Dispute Resolution Processes

Mini-Trial – This nonbinding, voluntary process is typically used by companies, private entities and government agencies involved in complex disputes involving significant dollar amounts.  The mini-trial has some of the formal aspects of the beginning parts of a trial or arbitration in addition to the attributes of mediation.  In the mini-trial, each party appoints a member to a three-member panel.  The party’s member should be someone at a high level in the organization or government agency who has had little involvement in the dispute and who is not intimately familiar with the dispute’s factual underpinnings.  The parties select a neutral, third-party member who chairs the process, guides the parties through the process and serves as a mediator if needed.

Each party makes an informal presentation of witnesses and evidence.  Each party engages in some, limited informal questioning of the other party’s witnesses and presents argument to the panel.  After both parties complete their presentations, the parties engage each other in negotiations.  Each party’s panel member participates in the negotiations.  The third-party neutral serves in the capacity of a mediator if the parties deem it necessary to facilitate a resolution or to resolve impasses as they may arise.  An agreement reached by the parties is generally binding and enforceable.

Early Neutral Evaluation – This is a nonbinding process used to provide parties with an early evaluation of each party’s case with the goal of reaching settlement early before each party expends significant transaction costs in preparing for trial.  The parties involved make an informal presentation of facts and argument to the selected neutral.  The neutral provides an advisory opinion on the issues raised by the parties.  Using the neutral evaluation, the parties may then proceed independently with their negotiations with the goal of resolving the dispute.  Typically, the neutral may not have further involvement with the parties once the neutral provides the neutral evaluation to the parties.

Dispute Review Board – This process has been used in large ongoing construction projects to resolve disputes as they arise on site during construction.  At the beginning of the project, the parties (e.g., the owner of the new facility and the prime contractor who will construct the facility) appoint one or more persons to serve on a panel of neutrals, i.e., the Dispute Review Board.  The panel members typically have legal, engineering and construction expertise and experience in the type of project involved.  If a dispute arises, the Dispute Review Board assembles.  The parties present facts, issues and argument concerning the dispute to the Dispute Review Board which relatively quickly issues a decision the parties have agreed will be binding.

Takeaways

· Use the spreadsheet to compare the benefits and costs of using ADR to achieve a timely “win-win” dispute resolution with expensive, time consuming litigation before strangers in a public forum in an all or nothing “win-lose” litigation gamble.

· Use an ADR process, e.g., mediation, to resolve a dispute as soon as possible for a significant savings in transaction costs, recognizing that most lawsuits settle before trial, often just before the trial begins.

· Use creative and informal communications facilitated by a mediator to resolve a dispute timely, even before a lawsuit is filed, on common ground meeting each participant’s needs that is recognized as a principal, reduced-cost benefit of ADR.

Copyright (c) 2009, Edward G. Ketchen, All Rights Reserved

Edward G. Ketchen, Administrative Judge (Ret.), Creative Dispute Resolutions, LLC, www.creativedisputeresolutions.com served for 24 years as an administrative judge on the Department of Defense Armed Services Board of Contract Appeals (ASBCA), the US Army Corps of Engineers Board of Contract Appeals (ENGBCA) and the Maryland State Board of Contract Appeals (MSBCA) hearing and deciding state and federal contracts, construction contracts and procurement disputes.  He has served as an arbitrator for the International Court of Arbitration of the International Commerce of Commerce.  He focuses his mediation and arbitration practice on private, state, federal and international contracts, construction contracts and business disputes.  He also mediates cases assigned by the Maryland Circuit Courts and District Courts.

Do You Have an Innovative Organization?

Posted by admin | Communication, Conflict Coaching, Conflict Resolution, K-12 Conflict, Mediation, Member Profiles | Friday 3 April 2009 9:43 am

by Tony Belak

Research has shown that the most effective leaders at leading and adapting to change at any level in the organization are those that have the highest level of emotional intelligence.

Many intractable problems in the workplace are the result of poor communication and lack of self awareness and other emotional intelligence competencies.

The components of knowledge, skills, and abilities that compose emotional intelligence can be learned. Coaching and mentoring are highly effective mechanisms to support this type of competency building.

The challenge is to accelerate the development of leaders and institutionalize leadership as a core competency throughout your organization. Coaching and mentoring are effective tools for impacting the development of future leaders and creating environments that support continuous learning.

Coaching is the artful use of conversation utilizing the communication skills of affirmative listening, giving feedback, and asking effective questions to create a process of learning, change, and accountability.

The coach helps the client establish a vision for change, clarify and set goals, shift perspective to see new possibilities, develop new action strategies.

The coach requests action, holds the clients accountable to what they say they want and what they will do, and draws out the clients’ inherent wisdom and intelligence.

Mentoring is a long-term relational process for developing an individual under the close guidance of a teacher, counselor, or leader who knows how to navigate within the culture of the protégé’s organization.

Mentoring generally refers to a relationship between two individuals, the mentor and the mentee that uses coaching skills to guide the learning and growth of a protégé who seeks to acquire or strengthen competencies needed to improve job performance and career progression.

Coaching and mentoring programs are used to develop knowledge, skills, and abilities that produce real and lasting results beyond just delivering information as is typically done in most training courses.

The Journal of Public Personnel Management (1997) reported that training alone improves productivity by 22.4%, but when combined with coaching, productivity increases to 88%.

In successful programs, organizations ask participants to focus on their professional developmental needs while working on competencies needed to produce results aligned with the organization’s mission and strategic goals.

The value of these programs is their diversity and flexibility to adapt to the organization’s goals, culture, and learning goals of participants.

Every organization is a living museum of its past change efforts, some of which succeeded and some of which failed.

Unplanned change, such as death, bankruptcy, and technology can overtake planned change and place stress on the organization, but, often, it is the subtle lack of sustained devotion or sabotage of withheld enthusiasm that planned change must always consider and underestimates that causes change efforts to falter or fail.

When organizational changes fall short of expectations the cause may be the psychological reaction of people, regardless of how urgently needed the change is by any fair and objective standard, or how many people agree the change is needed, or the strength of the reward or punishment associated with change.

Change can be painful and, pushed to change, most people push back. All change, no matter how innocent or beneficial it may seem on its face, costs somebody something. Organizational changes such as total quality management, reengineering, rightsizing, restructuring, corporate turnarounds, or some other fancy title for organizational-wide cultural change is problematic.

The real problem with change programs is that the people who are supposed to change stubbornly resist doing what the change advocates want them to do. Resisting change seems to be a universal phenomena and it is done even when the change benefits the self-interests of those resisting. This seemingly irrational resistance is maddeningly frustrating to many corporate leaders.

Suppose you wanted to create a more perfect workplace, changing the culture with new and enhanced leadership skills.

The leadership philosophy states that “all employees are leaders” and outlines the key personal leadership competencies that are expected of all employees.

The “supervisor of the future” outlines key competencies expected of your managers and supervisors. How would you go about this metamorphosis when it is uncovered that employees experience your organization as lacking focus and accountability?

Supervisory feedback also highlights that supervisors are lacking in providing focus and accountability. Employees do not feel valued or supported and therefore file grievances and administrative complaints relating to promotions, work assignments, or other job related issues.

Supervisors and staff often do not have the skills to navigate the resolution of differences, provide feedback on the impact the other is having on them, and to clearly outline expectations. Like so many other organizations, your workplace has its share of intractable problems that lead to major disruptions, painful conflicts, disenchantment, reduced effectiveness, and overall angst and anger.

You may want to provide support for the employees and their supervisors involved in these intractable conflicts by designing interventions that include mediation or other agreement creating meetings along with coaching for both parties over a time period.

If you ask the supervisor and employee to identify what they want to see different, their own personal learning objectives, and the design and structure of the support, such as the number of mediations or coaching sessions, and they show a willingness to work together, they have taken a big step toward developing a positive working relationship.

The use of coaching and mentoring programs, with a strong emphasis on coaching, is one of the most innovative and effective approaches to supporting individuals in developing leadership competencies.

Coaching supports individuals in their learning by taping into their wisdom and supporting them in setting goals; identifying alternative strategies and actions when confronted with limiting beliefs; holding them accountable for their commitments; and engaging them in learning conversations when they have tried something new.

The innovative organization should implement coaching and mentoring programs to support leaders at all levels in the company in developing competencies needed in an ever changing, team-based, fast paced, and customer oriented workplace.

Change means to become different or to be in an altered state, but if the culture does not change any new vision will be blinded through inertia.

Culture is an organizational concept that encompasses how work is done and how people are selected, developed, managed, led or rewarded. Many elements go into determining an organization’s culture.

These elements range from being highly organized with maintenance of clear lines of authority and providing secure employment to building strategic alliances with other organizations, adapting quickly to changes in the business environment and being flexible and agile in thinking and approach.

Culture includes an organization’s values, its decision making processes, its allocation of resources, its division of power, the behavior it requires and rewards, and the level of risk it allows and encourages.

Simply stated, if the culture does not change, nothing will be different.

Still, if the organization recognizes the importance of changing its culture and takes an active, studied approach that includes mobilizing its leadership, changing work processes, and aligning the full range of people strategies with its desired new culture, successful change within the organization can be realized.

————————————————————————-

Tony Belak is the Executive Director of the International Center for Collaborative Solutions at Sullivan University and faculty in its online Master of Science in Dispute Resolution program.

He is past President of the Mediation Association of Kentucky, past president of the Federal ADR Council, Inc., a shared neutral program in Indiana and Kentucky, former Chair of the Louisville Bar Association ADR/Mediation Section, and past chair of the Kentucky Bar Association ADR Committee, and past President of the Federal Bar Association, Kentucky Chapter.

Tony is a trainer and consultant in workplace dispute resolution nationally and internationally and is a practicing mediator and arbitrator, having formerly been the Senior Dispute Resolution Counsel for the Department of Veterans Affairs and its national ADR coordinator.

He has lectured and taught in Europe and across the United States and has a strong interest regarding workplace disputes, like bullying and mobbing, and programs and practices to bring resolution or containment.  

Email: tbelak@sullivan.edu
Website: http://ICCS.Sullivan.edu

10 Classic Sibling Fighting Mistakes Parents Make

Posted by admin | K-12 Conflict | Wednesday 6 August 2008 5:38 pm

Sibling fighting is common but not inevitable.

Sometimes we are parents get drawn into sibling disputes when they don’t involve us. And we become part of the problem, and become involved in the conflict. Here are ten common ways (and behaviours to be wary of) children use to involve parents in their sibling disputes:

1. Beware the teller of tales because they can draw you into disputes you don’t need to be in.”Tell Tale children” tend to involve parents in fights and disputes when they don’t need to be. Tales also invite parents to take sides, which may mean a fight stops momentarily. However it will begin again at another time as there may be lingering resentment about you taking sides.

2. Beware the blame gamers for it is never, ever their fault! Some children will blame other siblings for wrong-doing but will rarely see their side in a dispute. It usually takes two or three to tango so make sure you point out their place in the dispute.

3. Beware the tantrum-throwers as they divert attention away from themselves.Kids who throw a wobbly when a sibling even looks at them in the wrong way have found a great way to keep mum or dad busy with them. We often back off when kids throw a wobbly.

(more…)

Top 10 Bully Excuses

Posted by admin | K-12 Conflict | Sunday 20 July 2008 8:55 am

1) I was only teasing.

This is the classic excuse that most bullies will use when they are accused of verbal abuse. Teasing usually happens between friends. Verbal abuse happens to weaker students who are unable to stand up for themselves. If you know that the two students who are involved in the incident are not friends, you can be sure that it was not just teasing. Also, teasing becomes bullying when it happens often and over a period of time.

2) I didn’t mean to hurt him.

Bullies will almost always try to downplay their actions. Most of the time, their intent is to emotionally hurt or physically cause pain to their victims. Acting like they didn’t mean to do it or trying to comfort the victim once they have been caught are ploys that bullies like to incorporate.

3) He pushed me first.

Between two students of the same size and social stature, maybe that could occur. But, between the captain of the football team and the student who is hardly noticed on campus, it’s doubtful. It’s highly unlikely that a smaller, weaker student will push or try to intimidate someone who is bigger.

4) His face flew into my fist.

Well, problem solved. Kids will actually say this and expect us to believe them.

5) He tripped and fell by himself.

Many students trip and fall every day at school. But, if you have a student complaining that another student is tripping them or pushing them down, then it’s probably happening. A question that educators can ask themselves is this: How many times a day/week are students reporting that this behavior is taking place? If the behavior is being reported more than a few times a week, the alleged bully is probably guilty.

6) Someone pushed me into him.

Blaming others is what bullies do so well. Bullies at the elementary level love to push their classmates when they are in line. Since elementary students are in line a lot, this happens quite often. Acting like someone pushed them into another student will be the first excuse that bullies will use if they are accused of pushing another student. Put the bully at the front or the back of the line and keep a close eye on them.

7) She thought I was talking about her, but I wasn’t.

Relational bullying among girls is a huge problem. Manipulating friendships and spreading rumors are how girls generally bully each other. This is somewhat of a comical excuse because if the alleged bully denies saying anything, it will be quite easy to find ten or more girls who will admit that the bully did say something.

8) They deserve to be bullied because they are ugly, fat, don’t wear the right clothes, etc.

No one deserves to be bullied. Period. Bullies will try to justify their actions by blaming the victim. This is similar to racial discrimination.

9) Everyone bullies.

No, they don’t. Only a small percentage of students are bullies. Bullies will say this to try and place the blame on others. Their attitude is that if others are doing it, then it’s okay.

10) I didn’t do anything.

This may be the easiest thing for students to say when they know they are in trouble. When a student says, “I didn’t do anything,” it almost always means, “I’m guilty.” The phrase I didn’t do anything has become such a part of children’s vocabulary, it almost automatically comes out of their mouths when they are accused of something.

For more tips and information about bullying I invite you to visit http://www.BillySimmsSpeaks.com

From Billy Simms-Your Trusted Bully Advisor

Want Bullying To Go Away? Don’t Delay, Call Billy Today

Does Your Child Have a Bully and What Can You Do About It?

Posted by admin | K-12 Conflict | Tuesday 15 July 2008 7:52 pm

My childhood was not all that happy. I had a couple of bullies when I was in grade school. That had a deep impact on my life. It greatly affected my personality, self-esteem, and self-worth.

These bullies gathered (what seemed like to me) the whole school, and coached them to make fun at me. I know this played a big part in my shyness. Anyone that knows me knows that confidence and self-esteem is really not one of my virtues. I struggle with that everyday.

I don’t like talking about it to anyone. It’s still a rather unpleasant and painful distant memory. I still have occasional nightmares about it. I could have done something about this and told my parents…and to this day, I’m not really sure why I didn’t. The only reason I can come up with is shame. However, I did tell them years later. They were rather upset with me that I didn’t tell them at the time.

My shyness and self-esteem has improved to some degree over the years, especially through growing up…but I know that my life would have been totally different had I not experienced this as a child. School bullies can be very cruel, and it just fuels their fire if you show them you are scared or upset. And that was my big mistake. I’m really happy that my son didn’t experience anything remotely like that. That was my biggest fear. Thank God he didn’t. Hopefully, writing this article will prove to be therapeutic for me.

Does your child seem sad or depressed?
Does he or she have problems sleeping?
Do they seem to lack confidence and self-esteem?
Do their school grades suffer?
Does your child dread going to shcool?

These could all be signs of being bullied. If your child seems to have these characteristics, you need to have a talk with them. Ask them how things are going at school. Maybe volunteer a couple of days at school to see for yourself if there is anything going on.

If you suspect your child is being bullied…talk to him or her and find out exactly who is doing the bullying, if they will tell you. Once you are aware of who it is, first…approach your child’s teacher and make for sure they know what’s been going on and demand something be done about it.

If the situation doesn’t get resolved by consulting the teacher, then it’s time to meet with the school principal. Worse case scenario…consult the bully’s parents.

What can you do as a parent to help your child?

1. When a child is being bullied, their self-esteem and dignity is automatically challenged. Use every opportunity to praise your child, even for the simplest thing. Only YOU know your child…find something about them to praise or brag about everyday.

2. Offer your support and talk with them openly about it. While it may be tempting to encourage your child to fight back, always resist this temptation. Fighting back may only make the situation worse. It could result into violence and more trouble, and someone could end up getting injured. It’s best to tell your child to just walk away. Instruct them to not let the bully know they are angry, scared, or upset. This can be a challenge, I know. Tell your child to be as brave as possible and try to ignore the bully.

3. Consult a guidance counselor about the situation.

4. Try to encourage your child to make more friends and join in on various youth programs, such as sports or a club. Encourage them to get together with friends that help build their confidence.

5. Some states have bullying laws and policies. If the situation doesn’t get resolved or gets worse, it would be a good idea to check out the laws in your community. If your child’s safety is at risk, contacting legal authorities may be necessary.

Article Written By Tammy Embrich

Tammy is an Internet marketer and is the owner of Work At Home Jobs and Parent Zone

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